PhD's creed

This is my thesis. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

My thesis is my worst enemy. It is my (depravation of) life. I must master it as I must master my life.

My thesis, without me, would be done by someone else [1]. Without my thesis, I am happy. I must research my thesis true. I must research straighter than my advisor who is trying to kill me [2]. I must research it before he finds me [3]. I will...

My thesis and I know that what counts in this project is not the papers we publish, the question rounds of our presentations, or the plots we make. We know that it is the PhD title that count. We will hit...

My thesis is inhuman, even as it is turning me, because it is my (depravation of) life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will hide its weaknesses, enhance its strength, its parts, its accessories, its future works and its experiments. I will keep my thesis clean and ready for publishing [4], even as I grow beard and forget to shower regularly. We will become part of each other. We will...

Before my advisor, I swear this creed. My thesis and I are the defenders of my internship. We are the masters of our bureaucracy. We are the doomers of my life.

So be it, until PhD title is mine and there is no thesis, but peace!

[1] Probably indian or chinese.
[2] With loads of unrelated work.
[3] And adds more work to the pile.

[4] Just until I finish it, then I will stack it in a bookcase where, hopefully, it will be forever forgotten.